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Erik’s World

May 20, 2020 | Scene | 0 comments

Stranded in Cancun

A column by Erik Sosa
For GoGuide Onlilne
May 2020

Let me begin by saying that the term “unprecedented” is an eloquent way of saying, FUCKED UP! And, unfortunately, we are living in a time in which we are bearing witness to some historic and un-Presidented events around the world. As much as I’d like to think of such occurrences as being coincidental, because it’s a more natural pill to swallow and explain away, the truth is much more causal and calculatedly straight forward than one cares to contemplate. Instead of exhausting myself in trying to read in-between the lies in life, I often find myself analyzing the phonics of rhetoric to further assist in the lifting of its veil. Truth is not an answer, but a lifestyle. That, and crack is whack!

Gobbledygook much? Look, I am not trying to be that person, but it is quite apparent that this quarantine has begun to take hold of whatever is left of my sanity. Note to self, step away from the YouTubes. So, let me start with the transparency of my purposive foolishness. This all began a few days back during the onset of a panic attack at a local grocery store in Tulum, Mexico. Yes, this my current situation due to non-essential travel guidelines set in place by our dependable government. Well, that and the fact that the airlines have halted travel to and from Cancun until June. Anyway, because my family and I have been mostly removed from the situation at home, its tangible severity hadn’t fully resonated until I realized that I had haphazardly bypassed a huge line by nonchalantly walking in between the cashiers while on my phone. Had I stumbled into a loophole? Do I leave my stuff behind and get in line? Being in a WWJD mood is ethically taxing on the levels of oxygen to my brain.

All of this drama, for what? Hair dye! Garner Nutrisse for myself and Parker?!!

Once back home, I decided to take my mind off things by jumping into the pool to play catch with Cole, when the second wave of sadness rushed over. A cathartic woe is me melancholic moment if you will. An “I never had a chance to do this with my dad” mentality opened my eyes to parenthood from his perspective. It’s not that my dad didn’t want to socialize with his children; it’s that he was too busy parenting and working to make our lives better. Sacrifices change one. Unfortunately, I was too young and naïve to understand the role of parenthood, and now it’s multilayered facets.

It has been through art, that I have been able to embrace my imperfection to better understand my past. I will never be that cookie-cutter idea of a perfect son, spouse, or parent. Yes, I am outspoken, but ironically my deepest pain and struggles often go unheard. Marriage should not be considered to be a failure if it makes you grow within. If anything, marriage, has allowed me to understand that maybe nothings are forever but an evolution of a better understanding of self and others. A stepping stone, if I may, of self-worth, love, and understanding the commonalities we as humans share.

Mark and I will forever be bonded in the knowledge that we were able to raise two individuals in an era when the ideals of gay men were changing. No matter what, Cole and Parker will forever carry the feeling and knowledge that they have two loving parents that often sacrificed their own needs for the betterment of the whole. So, although this pandemic does hinder our everyday lifestyle, its benefits bring us a breath of fresher air when spending with those we usually take for granted. So, yes, I will finish bleaching Parker’s hair and dye it purple. Yes, we will have fun, but know that I feel for you, my friends. My joie de vivre spirit is not squashed, but more so questioned. I must remember that illusion of the rabbit’s hole lies in its depth, but the trick is not to get sucked in too far. GG

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