2020 is not only a new year but a new decade. To celebrate life with 20/20 vision, one should reflect on the past without judgment but the understanding of perspectives. We are not one dimensional. We are capable of more than we care to do or see. Life is hard and often gets in the way of the daily. But for every night, a new day is given. Moreover, with new beginnings, passings are too mourned.
A decade ago, I was an eager, young man who was in a loving relationship with a man who committed himself to have and raising a family — enter 5-month-old Cole and Parker, who are now nearing 14. Deciding to be the stay at home dad, I thought I would have much to say about raising children. Fast forward to today, and I have realized that it’s hard to look back at your words when you’re running all the time. But here I stand at a crossroads, reevaluating my paths and contemplating what I want to convey now and how. Words are my best of friends as much as they are my worst enemies. A double-edged sword. But alas, I choose to write again because it’s not what I have to say, but what I want to share. So, thank you to GoGuide Magazine for continuing to allow me to have such a fantastic platform to express and voice some lessons that life has and continues to bestow.
2019 was a year! The big D took center stage in my life, and it’s not what you’re thinking! Touché! Without sounding negative and not wanting to spill too much, shit went down and bounced back up several times over. You know what I mean because everyone has a story. But that’s okay because we are still here and trying to make it work at whatever capacity. Life is work. If you want to survive and make the best of its opportunities, start by opening doors. However, don’t begin opening until you know who you are and what you have to offer and what you would like in return. Humble yourself, but don’t be naive. Some doors won’t open, and some will lead you astray if you are not careful. But once in a while, you will find a room that is to your liking. Remember it well, because it may not open again.
Some time ago, I found a door, and I stayed in it for 20 years. The time has come for me to bid it farewell, and it has been a process filled with ever-evolving love and heartache. I learned a lot while there, and I seem to have outgrown it for the better. In sparing you the details, I will tell you that in such comfortability, your sense of self will be altered throughout time. Rediscovery of one is pertinent before leaving. And that is where I am today. Standing in a room, remembering my stay and how it has made me a better person for the most part because it was mostly focused on all facets of love. I learned this about myself. I react in ill-will when I feel a void in recognition or validation. Now, when thinking, consider others for, as to man, good-will.
This is not my most shining moment, but as a human with faults, I have come to realize and understand that my ill-will stems from anger, which later manifests into hate. Hate is a cycle, and one must rise above to keep it from becoming a cyclone. The storm in the room has near passed, and I choose to come out celebrating the years of my life with a new decade full news doors to consider. 2020 will be about finding self-love and worth. Leading by example is what I must do to ensure my two sons succeed in the celebration of life.
Perfection is subjective, but confidence is yours to own. I wish nothing but the best for my partner as our paths diverge. The past two years have not only grounded me but have matured me in a way in which optimism is my only resolve. It may not be the easiest thing to find at the moment, but it is the wiser and healthier choice!
I’m excited to be back and writing from a heart that is in a happier place. Peace, love, and harmony for you this coming year!